I should be working but...

Fun from the weekend.

2006-08-21T09:18:00.000-06:00

Okay, so my pictures from the concert did not show up. I don't know why. This weekend, I did a walk for AIDS and then went to the Farmer's Market. I bought a pound of cherry tomatoes for ONE DOLLAR. That's unheard of!

On a sadder note, Rich was sick this weekend, and I didn't give two shits about it. I hate it when grown men whine and moan about not feeling well. It makes me want to hit them over the head with a 2x4. Seriously. If you're a man, you should suck it up and take it like a man. I have no patience or pity for you.

Well, it's time for me to go to my crappy job. Wish me luck. Here's some pictures of Sandy on her scooter and Jen and Sandy on a giant skateboard. That is, however, if Blogger isn't lame and let's me post pictures.

For Ritchie

2006-08-18T12:28:00.000-06:00

This post is for my DEVOTED fans. Though there are not many of you. DAMN ALL OF YOU. Someone requested that I post today, so I thought I would post about how I work my ass off and get nothing in return and people are so greedy, it makes me sick. Like, vomit sick. I saw the Red Hot Chili Peppers play and I was so awestruck and speechless that I couldn't even move. I think we had great seats and we could see everything going on onstage. It was AWESOME! Here's some pictures you can't see much of. There's John and Flea going off.......I'm busy, now leave me alone!

Kristin

Bleh.

2006-07-24T12:43:00.000-06:00

Today, I feel bleh. I just want to curl up in bed and read a little bit of a book and take a snooze. Actually, the sick thing is, I want to curl up and read with my grandfather's ashes in my hand (in the urn, of course). Is that weird, or do I just miss my grandpa?

My coffee is cold and flavorless. Quite like my heart - black and cold. My phone is not ringing. There is no point to my being here. And I think I feel a lump in my breast. Great, I'm gonna die. GOD. My life sucks.

Oh, and by the way...

2006-07-23T22:42:00.000-06:00

Just so you know, I really look like this.

And all my apologies to my 3 fans.

2006-07-23T22:37:00.000-06:00

Okay, Okay. So it's been a long time. So shoot me. Really, people. I have a job and have to work so I can eat bon bons all day long and listen to my ass getting fatter and fatter. Okay. So I don't work. I am OBSESSED with text messaging. Anyone. Anytime. It's sad. I'm sure I could type 60 wpm on my damn phone. It's sick. I need help. In the mean time, someone said I looked like this. I'll take it as a compliment.

The New Digs

2006-05-24T13:43:00.000-06:00

We moved our office. It's only 2 miles away from my house. It's quite nice. The only bad thing is that we have a bathroom in the office. You may say, why Kristin, that is a good thing! Well. Not exactly. The bathroom is right behind Rich (ha ha ha) and there is no fan. So, if you drop your kids off at the pool, well, everyone knows what you had for lunch. Just imagine. Eeeew.

I am a good employee.

2006-05-18T07:38:00.000-06:00

Today, I showed up on time without stopping at Taco Time on the way to work. In fact, BOSS was sleeping when I left the house. I am a good employee despite the fact that he says I'm lazy. I do EVERYTHINNG. What does he think, that dinner and his clean clothes magically appear. I even had to mow the lawn Tuesday. Then he complained that I missed a spot. Well, eff you. I'm a good wife and a good employee. Anyone who contradicts that can go to hell in a handbasket. Seriously.

BRAAAAAAAAAAP!

2006-05-15T15:52:00.000-06:00

After two weeks of vacationing with my parents in Florida, away from my sweet husband, I get the best surprises. Surprises from his BUTT. He has a gas problem. I don't know what happened to his anatomy over the past two weeks, but he farts ALL THE TIME now. He used to be so sensitive and go to the bathroom to do it. Now, he just rips 'em with a smirk on his face. It makes me want to enter him in the "Fart of the week" contest here. He must really want to have sex with me, because whew. I'm swooning.

Sushi and some good news

2006-04-20T11:52:00.000-06:00

Summer, Kate and I went to eat Sushi yesterday, and guess what? I lost two dress sizes!!!!!!!! Applause is necessary. I worked my ass off for this and have been starving myself.

Espanol 101

2006-04-18T17:16:00.000-06:00

riff raff ruff: donde es taco
Krika: taco es en me estomaco
riff raff ruff: etchea nuevo loco tamale
Krika: estoy barracha donde es el bano?
riff raff ruff: webian moy vergo este mucho
Krika: tengo hablar en espanol porque me esposo es muy envioso
Krika: y no comprende espanol
riff raff ruff: el extremo del mt pica
riff raff ruff: mi asno pica
riff raff ruff: escoja mi nariz
Krika: su nariz?
You have sent 1 file to riff raff ruff.
Dave Chappelle - Retards Rap.mp3

riff raff ruff: se
riff raff ruff: nose
Krika: su nariz es...
Krika: especial
riff raff ruff: el cuarto de baño está en el pis del pasillo en una taza
riff raff ruff: mi nariz es grande como mi pecker
Krika: Ahora usted es es bruto
riff raff ruff:
Babel Fish Translation Help

Pollo! Un POLLO!!

riff raff ruff: bad translation
Krika: mi extremo es sensual y muy grande
Krika: a chicken?
riff raff ruff: lol
Krika: el pollo se ha estrangulado
riff raff ruff: i didnt choke it
Krika: hizo también
riff raff ruff: azotó el mono sin embargo
Krika: Kate me encuentra en Barnes y Nobles más tarde. Entonces iremos a Target en.
Krika: el mono nunca lo vio viniendo
riff raff ruff: criickees... usted y ella y sus juergas de compras
riff raff ruff: el mono luchó detrás
Krika: Sé. Hay un aprieta del dinero efectivo apenas esperar para ser gastado.
Krika: El mono se sentó en un pedazo de queso y giró el pelo de mono alrededor de su índice.
riff raff ruff: farted ruidosamente y desagradable
Krika: ¿Quién farted?
riff raff ruff: yes
riff raff ruff: donte es taco
Krika: ¿Quién farted?
Krika: Mi español es horrible y yo no puedo esconder mi vergüenza.
riff raff ruff: you suck thank god for babel fish
Krika: El taco está arriba su extremo, la clase señor.
riff raff ruff: hablo español como tallarines mojados
Krika: Usted es el chupador, no mí.
riff raff ruff: teething ring?
riff raff ruff: donde es taco
Krika: Usted habla español como pedazos malolientes de pez no deseado.
riff raff ruff: fish
Krika: si, pez
Krika: Pongo esto en mi blog.

Work Sucks

2006-04-18T09:31:00.000-06:00

I have to stare at this all day long. In fact, if you look at this picture long enough, you will actually be doing my job. Except for you're not answering the phones and talking to truckers all day long. Work sucks.

Not your ordinary Hump-Day

2006-04-12T10:06:00.000-06:00

Ha! I said hump!

Any hoozie, today is not just Wednesday for me. Today I wore a skirt. I usually sport the "I'm too lazy to care" wear, but today was a little special. I looked in my closet, and there was my skirt, just waiting to be worn. Then, just to finish the deal, I slapped some makeup on, and damnit if I don't look hot. Okay, not Paris Hilton "hot", but hot nonetheless. And I noticed something. When you wear a skirt and makeup, people are much nicer to you. Boss has been nothing but pleasant all day, and three people raced to the door at Village in to let me out. It's nice, and I think I'll buy more skirts and wear them more often. Maybe my 5-year old best friend is right - skirts ARE better than pants. Anyday.

Why I hate work

2006-04-11T10:50:00.000-06:00

Why I hate work, by Kristin G.

I hate work because I hate to wake up early. I hate work because it's not fun and something I want to do. I hate work because I have a boss that does nothing but surf the internet for breathing exercises. I hate work because it doesn't involve drinking or watching Memoirs of a Geisha. I hate work because it interrupts the delicate cycle of me eating bon bons and cleaning the house in my pajamas and going out and spending all of my money on useless crap. I hate work because I usually hate all other people and I have to talk to people all the time on the phone. I hate work because of the very definition of the word.

Nappy

2006-04-07T15:26:00.000-06:00

Don't f*ck with Nappy. Ever. She's a cool girl, but seriously, don't eff with this girl. You want her in your corner. Peace.

Friday Poll

2006-04-07T14:58:00.000-06:00

Will Angelina Jolie's baby really be Brad Pitt's? My vote is no. What's yours?

Arrested Development

2006-04-07T14:47:00.000-06:00

If you are a true fan of Arrested Development, you'll know the answer to these important questions:

1. What was Buster's response after finding out there was to be juice at Gob's bachelor party?
2. Who is Gob's bastard child and Maybe's love interest?
3. What caused Tobias' nipples to bleed?
4. What did George Bluth Sr. use to walk across the bathroom floor in Mexico?
5. How did Michael bribe Gob into finding information out from Kitty?
6. What was Kitty going to do after work at Senor Tadpoles?
7. Who said Vodka goes bad two hours after you open it?
8. What's ALWAYS in the banana stand?
9. What was George Michael's first response to Michael's question "What did we always say comes first?"
10. Who has a nosejob?

Shhhhhhh...

2006-04-06T12:22:00.000-06:00

As we all know, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are having a baby using the method of silent birth. This seems to be not only barbaric, but just plain crazy as well. Tom has even fashioned a pacifier to shut up his lovely other half. Is it me or has the world regressed? Believe me, epidurals should be mandatory for childbirth.

What the hell is the point of a silent birth? Not to traumatize the child. I don't know, but I don't think my problems stem from having my mother scream or moan during childbirth.

Tom Cruise might as well shove a stick in Katie's mouth and sign language to her to bear down.

Ridiculous.

P.S. Sorry to offend any of you scientologists out there, but really folks, this is unneccessary and almost a form of torture.

Update

2006-04-06T10:51:00.000-06:00

I still feel like shit. Over and out.

Why My Life Presently Sucks.

2006-04-04T12:59:00.000-06:00

This picture illustrates how I feel at all times of the day. I feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown, folks. I've had them before and this is what it feels like right before I have them. I can't afford to be hospitalized again.

It's just that I have so much to do. I wake up early in the morning and speed-dress/brush teeth/warm up the car/make coffee. Then I drive the horrible thirty miles to work. I then work my ass off all day long with phones constantly ringing, faxes coming in, billing to be done, blogging to be taken care of. Then, I take Rich(because he can't drive) either to a class or somewhere else His Majesty needs to go. Then I go home. I find that there is nothing there to eat. I find a mess that I left in the rush to leave in the morning. I slap together a mediocre dinner, then get to cleaning. I do this while His Royal Majesty just fucks around on the guitar or plays his video game. I then try to take a shower and read a couple pages of a book, but I usually just fall into my bed and fall asleep, not ready for the next day.

This is getting out of control. I need help at home, I need help at work. I need help badly. I'm slowly unraveling and no one seems to know how hard it is to balance all these things at once. I'm taking all my medication, but the depression is so bad, all I think about is disappearing into a little dot where no one could see me or bother me. I don't want to go back to the hospital, and frankly, I can't because how would Rich get to work? I'm going crazy and I want to cry all the time. Is this normal?

I'm stuck. I'm just stuck. I will never finish my degree and will probably never have children and my life seems vastly empty. I don't have the energy to put on makeup anymore. I'm sloppy when I dress. I used to be so fashionable and put together, but now I'm losing it. I get paranoid at the strangest things. I fuck everything up...badly too. I can't seem to do anything right. I don't pay the mortgage right, I don't do my job well, I can't keep the house clean enough, everything goes to shit the second I'm involved. I can't stand it anymore.

What do I do? What do I do? Crying all the time is not working. Getting mad isn't working, working out is not an option because I DON'T HAVE TIME. Someone please rescue me before I do something really stupid.

The Definition of Hell

2006-04-03T12:45:00.000-06:00

The following are good examples of Hell:
1. All phone lines ringing at one time
2. Losing important paperwork and pretending that you didn't do it
3. People with thick accents talking softly to you on the phone
4. Wearing high heels and pacing around the office like a caged animal
5. Realizing that your purse is definitely not as cool as you had hoped it would be
6. Working with your spouse and exchanging hateful looks at each other
7. Realizing you have to go home with said spouse
8. Having the interstate close on your way to work, taking twice as long to arrive
9. Realizing that your probably not losing weight, but stretching out your clothes
10. Having your blogging interrupted by work. Ugh.

What is hell for you?

Death.

2006-03-31T17:28:00.000-07:00

This is what I would look like if I were dead. I guess I wouldn't make a hideous corpse. I think about my own death a lot. Sometimes, I wish I knew how I would die, so it wouldn't be such a surprise when it did happen.

When I was little, I used to dream that I would get shot and that's how I was going to die. Now, I think that's a little off the mark. I also used to think I was going to die young, and I still think that. I think that's the arrogance of youth, though. Wishing to be young forever.

Sometimes I wish that I would just disappear. I don't want to say die, because that would be suicidal, and I don't need that drama. I just think things would go more smoothly without me. I'm a terrible unsmoother of things. I just screw everything up and someone has to help me clean it up when I'm done whirlwinding through my wierd stages.

Anyhow. This is how I would look if I were dead.

P.S. When I die, don't let anyone put really horrible makeup on me or do up my hair in a wierd hairdo I'd never wear. I think that would really piss me off and I may become an angry ghost.

GRRRRRRRR

2006-03-31T11:41:00.000-07:00

Okay. So I'm at work. I'm stressed. And as you can see from the picture, I'm not attractive when stressed out. When I'm not attractive, I'm NOT HAPPY. So, someone needs to come rub my back and do my work for me.

On another note, does anyone else dress up for the psychiatrist so they don't think you're crazy?

And have you ever visited this link? It's totally strange and makes you feel like a voyeur.

Furthermore, I miss all my friends, and more comments need to be made. Here- I'll give you a subject...sex, sexuality, sexual positions. I need some love, here!

Have a good weekend.
Your beloved Kristin

...

2006-03-30T09:03:00.000-07:00

I'm an ocean in your bedroom
Make you feel warm
Make you want to re-assume
Now we know it all for sure

I'm a dance hall dirty breakbeat
Make the snow fall
Up from underneath your feet
Not alone, I'll be there
Tell me when you want to go

I'm a meth lab first rehab
Take it all off
And step inside the running cab
There's a love that knows the way

I'm the rainbow in your jail cell
All the memories of
Everything you've ever smelled
Not alone, I'll be there
Tell me when you want to go

Sideways falling
More will be revealed my friend
Don't forget me
I can't hide it
Come again make me excited

I'm an inbred and a pothead
Two legs that you spread
Inside the tool shed
Now we know it all for sure

I could show you
To the free field
Overcome and more
Will always be revealed
Not alone, I'll be there
Tell me when you want to go

Sideways falling
More will be revealed my friend
Don't forget me
I can't hide it
Come again get me excited

I'm the bloodstain
On your shirt sleeve
Coming down and more are coming to believe
Now we know it all for sure

Make the hair stand
Up on your arm
Teach you how to dance
Inside the funny farm
Not alone, I'll be there
Tell me when you want to go

Classic

2006-03-30T08:23:00.000-07:00

A friend sent this to me. This is typical male behavior. IF he even writes a note.

I can't wait! I can't wait!

2006-03-29T11:41:00.000-07:00

I'm going to the beach! I'm going to the beach!

My Boss

2006-03-28T11:29:00.000-07:00

Have you ever seen my boss?

Doesn't this just want to make you cry?

2006-03-27T15:15:00.000-07:00

You scored as Eyes full of Pain. People tend to overlook you, which makes you feel less worthy of their attentions. You sometimes wish you could just disapear from the world around you. You have been hurt very badly in the past and you just wish that someone would understand you, and what their cruelty is doing to you.

What do your eyes reveal about you?(PICS!)
created with QuizFarm.com

Bassists

2006-03-27T13:11:00.000-07:00

I love bassists. A best friend chip for whoever can guess who this is....

Something Funny.

2006-03-23T16:44:00.000-07:00

I live in Utah. This means that there are Mormons here. LOTS of Mormons. In church, part of their service includes boys of twelve or so passing out bread and water (this sounds like solitary confinement - and it almost is). This is called "passing the sacrament." I know this one guy who passed the sacrament with a raging boner. Seriously.

Me On Fun Days

2006-03-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

This is a funny picture of me. And some stripper dude.

Help Me!

2006-03-21T16:30:00.000-07:00

I'm so bored, I've started playing scrabble by myself. It's depressing and sad. Someone think of something to do (other than work, of course).

The Money Shot

2006-03-21T08:38:00.000-07:00

Does anyone else think it's outrageous that our vice president shot someone IN THE FACE and did not get reprimanded? What a world, what a world. Oh, well, the greedy lawyer dude that got shot probably deserved it.

A Day Of Silence

2006-03-20T11:02:00.000-07:00

CJ decided this weekend to be a total idiot and grab her things and leave without finishing her work or telling anyone that she was leaving. We had to scramble to find out what was going on with her work. I guess she thinks she doesn't need a job and can go back to her boring life at home. The thing is, it's a relief because she was doing her job incorrectly, had a problem with authority, and doing other things that were WRONG. Now it's quiet in here and it's great! We should've let her go a long time ago. It was a good experiment, nonetheless.

Grrrr.

2006-03-17T11:12:00.000-07:00

Is it just me, or is blogger being stupid to everyone?

The Dark Side of Star Trek

2006-03-17T08:32:00.000-07:00

I am Sooooooo Edukated.

2006-03-16T08:41:00.000-07:00

This is my favorite poem. A close second is this one. Now, get the hell out of my blog!

You love me, you really really love me!

2006-03-14T13:17:00.000-07:00

These pictures illustrate:
A. How cool I am
B. How much I love my devoted fans
C. What I do when I'm bored at work.

A wee little story. And some randomness.

2006-03-14T10:35:00.000-07:00

One time, Rich did something cool (we can't remember what), and he grabbed the cat, spun it around, dropped the cat on the bed and said "I'm so cool, I'm so cool, now it's time to choke wife!" with his hands outstretched. It was truly a look into the brain of a man. Simple and violent. Eeeek.

Here are some things I like:
Cats
Dogs (only second to cats)
Fried Spam
Shoes
Sugar Free Red Bull
Washing my hair
Pretending I'm a model, and striking random poses
Rice
My own boobs
Sleeping
Getting my eyebrows waxed
The Simple Life

Things I Do Not Like:
Working
The smell that lurks inside my house
Being gassy
Wasabi
Any kind of hot sauce
Nightmares and scary movies that spawn the nightmares
Pretentious drug addicts (comment on this - I dare you!)
Following directions or paying attention
The medicine I take for my tumor
Being tired
Ty anything

There are more pictures to come, but blogger is not letting me show you how cool I am right now.

Love,
Me.

Is it me, or am I having a LEETLE gay tendancies?

2006-03-13T13:31:00.000-07:00

Klein Sexual Orientation Grid

I scored an average of 1.9

Heterosexual

Bisexual

Homosexual

Meaning

This result can also be related to the Kinsey Scale:

0 = exclusively heterosexual
1 = predominantly heterosexual, incidentally homosexual
2 = predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3 = equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 = predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5 = predominantly homosexual, incidentally heterosexual
6 = exclusively homosexual

Summary

The idea of this excercise is to understand exactly how dynamic a person's sexual orientation can be, as well as how fluid it can be over a person's lifespan. While a person's number of actual homo/heterosexual encounters may be easy to categorize, their actual orientation may be completely different. Simple labels like "homosexual", "heterosexual", and "bisexual" need not be the only three options available to us.

Take the quiz

Par-tay

2006-03-10T09:31:00.000-07:00

Every year I have a kick-ass party. I have to have parties to keep me sane. Last year, it was a Lolita schoolgirl party, and the year before that a Greek Hedonism party. I'm at a blank to what this party should be...any suggestions?

My New Diet.

2006-03-08T11:43:00.000-07:00

This is how I curb my appetite now. I eat tums. And restrict myself to 10 weight watchers points a day. I will be svelt in no time. I also vow to walk around more instead of let my ass spread into something resembling baked brie cheese. I can do this...but I need some help from my blogger friends. Kick my ass if I tell you I splurged on McDonalds (axis of evil) or Cinnabun (ambrosia of the gods). Anyhoozie. Work's killing me and I need a nap. No! I must work. And one little note about adrenal fatigue. I took the test and it seems that I have it. But, I'm not sure I believe that the disease actually exists, or if it's just plain laziness. I'll update on that later. Sunshine! This is Kristin! Sign-Off.

Seriously, folks.

2006-03-06T10:14:00.000-07:00

I know usually I am full of joy and fun, and my blogs are nothing but pure comedy. Now, though, I have a serious concern. In less than four months, I will be insuranceless. Being part of a small business (and living in Utah), I have no options for healthcare. Because of my medical past, no one will insure me. Not that I have a horrible disease or anything, I just have ongoing medical issues that require medications. I also discovered I have a minute tumor in my pituitary gland- so I am definitely uninsurable. You have to be in poverty to be granted Medicaid, and there are NO OTHER OPTIONS. Without insurance, my prescriptions will be at least $600 per month. Without insurance, my medical bills will total over $100,000 if I have to be seen for anything more than an office visit. Please let your voice be heard.....Tell the government how you feel here. This is an outrage. People in Third World countries get medical help from the U.S., but we can't even help our own people. Help me and thousands of others!

This was too serious, so now go here.

Rich Gets A New Hat.

2006-03-06T10:08:00.000-07:00

Rich has a new hat. It's actually a medical glove that people wear while handling pee samples and such. My question is....Did he put it on before or after the pee was handled?

Happy Happy Joy Joy

2006-03-03T16:53:00.000-07:00

Hating you makes me all warm inside.

-HAPPY BUNNY- Which Happy Bunny saying best reflects your personality? (Pictures of Posters)
brought to you by

I'm Crazy, I'm Crazy!

2006-03-03T10:36:00.000-07:00

Personality Disorder Test Results

Paranoid>		34%
Antisocialhttp://similarminds.com/personality_disorder_info.html#antisocial">Antisocial>		62%
Borderline>		86%
Avoidanthttp://similarminds.com/personality_disorder_info.html#avoidant">Avoidant>		50%
Dependent>		50%
Obsessive-Compulsive		50%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
tests by similarminds.com

Tyrone on Religion

2006-03-03T08:50:00.000-07:00

Tyrone is my beautiful cat. He is smart, sneaky, intellectual, and kind of a pain in the ass sometimes. BUT, my cat can't make life-altering decisions like choosing a political party or deciding whether or not to wear a thong. He certainly can't make a decision on this. But, nevertheless, Tyrone told me that....

Some Things about My Home Town.

2006-03-01T14:00:00.000-07:00

Here are some things that you find in Tampa....like this poor idea.......And this unbelievable store. And I'll soon find you the site of Pee Wee Herman's follies.

Bipolar in Pictures

2006-03-01T13:35:00.000-07:00

Here I am being BIPOLAR at work.....Funny Kristin and Hateful Kristin. I'm not sure which one I prefer....

Another Celebration

2006-03-01T07:41:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling homesick, so I'll post a blog about another parade (well, it's called a stumble to be exact) that we have in Tampa. It's called Guavaween. This is just an excuse to get drunk, walk Ybor City, and expose as much as your body as possible. This picture is a good example of how people walk around...

In MY hometown

2006-02-28T10:45:00.000-07:00

In my hometown of Tampa, there is no Mardi Gras. There is a celebration called Gasparilla. CHECK IT OUT!

Good Aim!

2006-02-27T08:59:00.000-07:00

Today I vomited in a peanut bag while I was driving. It took tremendous aim and skill. Please applaud.

Why I hate my life.

2006-02-19T14:05:00.000-07:00

Why in the hell did God make me look like the picture to the left....When Ultimately, he'll end up making me look like the picture to the right?

This is unfair. I was gorgeous, I'd say. Now. Big lump of crap.

2006-02-16T16:19:00.000-07:00

You will see soon why these pictures have so much in common. It snowed very hard yesterday, leaving the roads icy and slick. Therefore, there was the backup from hell and the interstate closed down for 2 hours. Rich decided to take a "shortcut" and it ended up taking us BACKWARDS. It took two hours to get 9 miles. I went through all the stages of Traffic Back-up Syndrome: Denial, Anger, Rage, Anger again, Emotional Breakdown, Crying, and finally, Giving Up. I accused Rich of always being Lucy taking Charlie Browns football away when he goes to kick it. I have no idea the relevance of this statement at the time, but I was in tears and hysterical and somehow it made sense to me. The outcome of the matter was, we turned around and got a hotel room 3 miles from where we started. YESTERDAY SUCKED.

Help, please

2006-02-16T07:54:00.000-07:00

My husband and I are fighting (imagine that) over where we should go for vacation. Where is somewhere warm and close that we can go for about 5 days. We live in SLC Utah. Suggestions are not optional, but mandatory.

A Question, My Friends

2006-02-15T10:41:00.000-07:00

Is it sexual harrasment in the workplace if your boss ALWAYS has a plumber's crack going on?

My Favorite Song Ever

2006-02-15T08:34:00.000-07:00

I have nothing to blog about, so here are the lyrics to my favorite song....

"Soma"

Nothing left to say

And all I've left to do

Is run away

From you

And she led me on, down

With secrets

I can't keep

Close your eyes and sleep

Don't wait up for me

Hush now don't you speak

To me

Wrapped my hurt in you

And took my shelter in that pain

The opiate of blame

Is your broken heart, your heart

So now I'm all by myself

As I've always felt

I'll betray my tears

To anyone caught in our ruse of fools

One last kiss from me...yeah

One last kiss good night

Didn't want to lose you once again

Didn't want to be your friend

Fulfilled a promise made of tin

And crawled back to you

I'm all by myself

As I've always felt

I'll betray myself

To anyone, lost, anyone but you

So let the sadness come again

On that you can depend on me, yeah

Until the bitter, bitter end of the world, yeah

When god sleeps in bliss

And I'm all by myself

As I've always felt

And I'll betray myself

To anyone

Nothing left to say

And all I've left to doIs run away

From you

And she led me on, down

With secrets I can't keep

Close your eyes and sleep

Don't wait up for me

Hush now don't you speak

To me

Wrapped my hurt in you

And took my shelter in that pain

The opiate of blame

Is your broken heart, your heart

So now I'm all by myself

As I've always feltI'll betray my tears

To anyone caught in our ruse of fools

One last kiss from me...yeah

One last kiss good night

Didn't want to lose you once again

Didn't want to be your friend

Fulfilled a promise made of tin

And crawled back to you

I'm all by myself

As I've always feltI'll betray myself

To anyone, lost, anyone but you

So let the sadness come again

On that you can depend on me, yeah

Until the bitter, bitter end of the world, yeah

When god sleeps in bliss

And I'm all by myself

As I've always felt

And I'll betray myself

To anyone

Ben

2006-02-14T10:23:00.000-07:00

I feel bad I haven't included Ben in my friends list. He is a good friend. This is why...I can blog about him and he'll be upset, but he'll take it in good spirits! Ben puts up with my drunken late night visits, even though I'm the biggest cock-block in all of O-town. Ben says his biggest pet peeve is the space program, and I respect him for that. Ben looks at girls all the time, but I can't blame him - he's a man. Every other time he gets his haircut, it looks a leeetle bit like a mullett. Ben drives a cool car, dresses cool, and is probably one of the coolest people I know. Ben looks especially good in hats. I think his favorite song is secretly "Baby Got Back". He won't let me take his picture, because he is camera-shy, but he's pretty good looking. Anyhoozie, that's all I have to say about Ben.

...And a Happy VD to you too!

2006-02-14T10:21:00.000-07:00

I woke up...no chocolate. No card. No anything. Am I offended, no. Am I pissed? A weensy bit. No one got me anything except my mother and my grandmother....which means I am THE BIGGEST LOSER in the world. What'd you get for VD? How do you feel about VD?

My Greatest Plague

2006-02-09T15:07:00.000-07:00

My friends, especially my girl friends....why are we subjected to pantyhose? To my male readers, this may seem trivial, but the act of putting on pantyhose is atrocious. First, you must check the pantyhose for any rips, holes, or runs. After throwing away half your pantyhose, then you must choose which kind you want - control top, sandalfoot, whatever. Then you have to choose a color. There is not just black. There is off black, jet black, and blackest black. There is the choice between shimmer and non-shimmer, sheer or solid. THEN, you have to put them on. This is like trying to shove a rabid squirrel into a sack of razor blades - it just isn't pleasant. You bunch them up, putting one toe delicately into a leg, trying not to rip the pantyhose with your toenail. then you do the same with the second leg. Then you pull up the pantyhose ever so delicately, as not to rip them (which you inevitably do). Then you do this crazy dance which involves squirming and jumping at the same time to get them to fit properly. There, you've done it. And now all your stomach fat is squishing over the top of the pantyhose. Lovely.

I am digging a tunnel

2006-02-08T13:59:00.000-07:00

I am digging a tunnel to get the hell out of this office. The phones aren't ringing, we're not doing anything, yet we're doomed to a day of hellish silence. What could make my day better? Besides the obvious choice of death by overdose.

Before The Space Age

2006-02-08T08:10:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered what life would be like without elastic or spandex? I ponder this incessantly, it's almost an obsession. How do you keep your underwear up? And the picture to the left demonstrates how you keep your socks up. Ridiculous. So today is national "Thanks For Elastic" Day. Seriously, do you hold your underwear up with a drawstring?

I am a BIG FAT IDIOT

2006-02-05T17:55:00.000-07:00

So, on Friday, I threw a temper tantrum. Not any kind of temper tantrum, but the kind where you suddenly regress to a four year-old and start screaming anything just to be heard. I actually yelled the words "F*ck You!" while customers were on the phone. This was not cool of me at all. So, I apologize to my fellow co-workers for being such a dumbass and I promise not to do it again. And if I do, I totally give you free reign to kick my ass.

The Day Everything Sucked

2006-02-02T16:19:00.000-07:00

The phone sucks. The customers suck. The trucks suck. Falling off my chair definitely sucked. Can someone pull me out of this sucky day?

Office Goings On

2006-02-01T15:01:00.000-07:00

Ben has sat around all day long doing nothing more than, well, nothing. Rich has been working on his homework and refused to be "disturbed." I, on the other hand have been slaving my ass off and answering phones and calling customers and getting in some paperwork and doing some of Rich's homework. Ten bucks says I don't get a thank you. I hate my life. I think I need a green pill today. Hurray!

I live in a Rainbow

2006-01-31T16:32:00.000-07:00

Do you ever look at your prescriptions and wonder to yourself "am I going to have a blue day or a green day?" No? You're much more well adjusted than me. HUGS!

Some other friends and a funny story.

2006-01-23T15:45:00.000-07:00

This is Kurt and Sandy at Jenna's birfday party. They are also my friends. Kurt sends me text messages at 6:30 in the morning asking about where he can meet women...and Sandy (as you can see) likes to model beer and also has this wierd thing for Ralph Macchio. Here's my funny story. A demonic being pushed my best friend down the stairs, claiming to be a "hood-rat" and a "lion". This is not the funny part. Well, part of it is. Just that someone would actually refer to themselves as a "hood-rat" is hysterical to me. Then, to refer to your husband as "my old man" is also HYSTERICAL to me! I rectified the situation justly by claiming to be the Water-Bearer and threatening a drowning accident. This is not like me, but, hey....don't f*ck with my best friend.

What do you think is #3?

2006-01-20T15:52:00.000-07:00

Jenna: #3
Krika: diarrhea?
Jenna: lol
Krika: what were you talking about?
Jenna: that was yesterday
Krika: lol, I'm lost...
Jenna: beers goofball
Krika: LOL!
Krika: durr
Jenna: lololol
Jenna: oh that's best laugh i had all week
Jenna: still laughing....
Krika: isn't #3 diarrhea?
Jenna: i dunno
Jenna: if it wasn't it is now

My week in Florida

2006-01-20T07:48:00.000-07:00

I had a week in Florida. It was very, very sad, but I got you some pictures of Tampa wildlife. Here ya go....

A better picture of Kate

2006-01-12T08:50:00.000-07:00

Here ya go....

Kate likes the cherry...

2006-01-10T11:03:00.000-07:00

Kate is on the right. More pictures to follow, because this one sucks. Kate claims to "like the cherry" and loves to drink wine. We like to drive around and look at Christmas lights together. She is my female best friend. She has impeccable style and likes to clean. She is also the skinniest, cutest friend I know. She used to like to steal lawn ornaments and put them on other people's lawn just to confuse them. She is generous and kind and funny as hell. You have to meet her to understand what I mean. I'll introduce you to her one time. Really, I will.

Friend #4

2006-01-10T08:09:00.000-07:00

This is my friend Summer. I know it seems pretty lame to hang out with a four year-old, but she's pretty much one of the coolest people I know. She enjoys playing ponies, dressing up like a princess, eating treats, and shopping. She follows her mom around and tells her "Don't antagonize me, Mommy!" She's pretty much 4 turning 13. I love her to death.

My Very Bestest Friend

2006-01-10T07:53:00.000-07:00

Friend #3: RICH! Rich likes to work, as you can see by the grin on his face while he is sitting at his desk. He also plays the bass like a rock god, is a computer gaming guru, and reads a lot of interesting books. He enjoys long baths and I presume walking on the beach.

This is a picture of me with my very bestest friend in the whole world. His name is Rich. I know I talk a lot of crap on him, and probably treat him worse, but he really knows me and understands me more than anyone else on any psychic plane.

Ninja Scare

2006-01-05T11:11:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness. Today it was eeriely quiet, then all of the sudden, a ninja came in and told us he was going to kick all of our asses. Luckily, I hid beneath my desk, but Ben wasn't so lucky. Afterwards, the ninja agreed to pose for a picture as long as I didn't reveal his secret identity.

Here he is, posing for the camera right after roundhousing Ben to the ground. Poor Ben couldn't even get his fax through. I am in fear of another attack- NINJA STYLE.

A Wierd Look

2006-01-05T09:31:00.000-07:00

What the hell was I thinking when this picture was taken?

In No Particular Order, Number #2 is CJ!

2006-01-05T08:43:00.000-07:00

Here is CJ hard at work. CJ is cool because she drinks every single night and still comes to work happy and well at 7am. She has kids that she says she's willing to put up for sale, and drives a huge SUV. CJ and I met....well, at a very interesting but top secret place. We like to take our medication late at night and do puzzles and play MadGab together. She smokes Salem 100 lights if anyone wants to buy her cigarettes. And her boobs are HUGE! Stay tuned for more of my zany friends on my next post.

My Friends are WAY Cooler Than Your Friends

2006-01-04T11:00:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of my friend, Jen, shotgunning a beer somewhere in the woods. She is one of the coolest people I know. She can do all kinds of things, like fix stuff around the house, take really cool pictures, do sign language, snowboard, play the guitar, and drink LOTS of beer without getting obnoxious at all. You should really meet her. I will be featuring my friends on future posts, so you can meet my circle of freaks I call friends.

Insane Vomiting Issues

2006-01-04T09:39:00.000-07:00

This is how I feel today. I feel like I could puke at about any given moment. I'm not sure if it's the medication I'm taking or I'm getting the flu, but if you are within 5 feet of me, then you should watch out, because I have a feeling I'm going to projectile vomit Exorcism-style pretty soon. Or it might be a heaving puke. Whichever one it is, I just hope it comes soon so I can vomit discreetly and go back to my shitty job. Only forty more years until I get to retire!

Ragtooth

2006-01-03T16:06:00.000-07:00

Since Ragtooth was kind enough to blog about my bubblebutt, I have decided to post about Ragtooth. Ragtooth never encouraged me to lose my bubblebutt, but to embrace it, and to have a good ass day. I thank him kindly, and actually, my ass looks quite nice today, thank you!

My favorite guy

2006-01-03T14:49:00.000-07:00

This is my favorite character....Tyrone Biggums. Dave Chappelle rules. 5:00 free crack hour!

Why I Hate People

2005-12-30T13:31:00.000-07:00

If you're this stupid, then I hate you....

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9158736/

The Day We Went to Work For No Reason

2005-12-30T10:28:00.000-07:00

Um. The phone has barely rung. Why are we here? Because boss decides we need to work every day, even during the holidays. Well, Bah Humbug! Ben did the smart thing and didn't show up today. The rest of us are apparently drooling imbeciles. Here is a picture of my favorite cartoon as a child.

You Tell Me

2005-12-26T18:10:00.000-07:00

I can't tell if this is cute, funny, or cruel. But I laugh everytime I see it.

Ammo that you should watch out for

2005-12-26T17:58:00.000-07:00

Today, my husband was talking to a guy (who I'm convinced is slightly gay), and the guy said to him "These guns should be outlawed" as he flexed in the mirror. This is wrong on so many levels that all I could do is laugh my ass off while staring at the "gun-guy." On another note, my Christmas was good. I got what I wanted- a pearl necklace and some gift cards to cool places. My parents haven't driven me completely back to the nuthouse, and they haven't threatened Rich's life, so bonus on that part. How was your festivites?

Why I am Slowly Going Crazy

2005-12-19T15:19:00.000-07:00

1. Rich asks me every thirty minutes "What's today?"
2. Ben was snoring as I was working my ass off. CJ said to tickle some hair on his face to wake him up. I said to slap him across the face.
3. It snowed so much that it took an hour to get to work today.
4. We don't own ice melt or a shovel, so we had to 2 wheel drive ourselves out of the snow-infested driveway
5. I've been staring at the computer screen for so long, my vision is going blurry and I'm blacking out.
6. My parents are coming in two days, and that will push me straight over the edge.
7. I'm running out of my crazy pills.
8. No one hearts my blog anymore.
9. I haven't heard the song "I'm too sexy" in way too long
10. I haven't showered in three days.

Kill me now! Kill me now!

Eeeeeeek! Eeeeeeek!

2005-12-12T10:27:00.000-07:00

I think I have a rat infestation problem with my house. The cat grabs them in his mouth, and I try to make him drop it in my hand so I can escort the poor mouse outside. But, this is what Tyrone does: He grabs the mouse in his mouth, mauls the thing until it screams for mercy, lets it go, then chases it and does it again. Then, the mouse dies and my cat stashes it so he can pull it out and play with the corpse later. The death scream of the mice haunts me. What should I do?

My New House

2005-12-06T11:22:00.000-07:00

I got a house! I got a house! It's pretty and blue and has wood flooring and blue carpet and my cat likes it, but is a little scared and spends most of his time hiding. Pictures will follow.

A quick hundred bucks and new dream interpretation.

2005-12-01T12:56:00.000-07:00

1. Anyone in Lexington Kentucky who wants to make a quick $100 and owns their own pair of brass knuckles please contact me asap.

2. Dream Interpretation for the Day: I was fleeing thousands of little tornadoes spiraling up and down the canyon with my entire family. I found myself on a little ledge looking down at the tornadoes, but then I was falling off the ledge and had to flee to higher ground. As I was running uphill, tons of little eggs were rolling down the hill and cracking and breaking on my and many other's feet. My husband left me at the end of the dream in a beat-up muscle car. Somewhere in the dream, eggs also came up and I was trying to make something out of them, but couldn't get the recipe to work, and I was really distraught over that to the point of crying.

Interpret this the best and get a post dedicated just too you!

All my Love, Krika

And a funny picture.

2005-11-28T12:26:00.000-07:00

I was gonna say that this was Ben, but I thought it would be too rude. It's really Rich.

See ya!

Interesting things that happened to me today.

2005-11-28T12:18:00.000-07:00

1. Ben laughed hysterically when I said "pull the ol' switcheroo on me" Why is that so funny....anybody?
2. Ben slapped CJ's hand away when she tried to take a chip from him.
3. Someone is actually holding a load of dehydrated potatoes hostage in Lexington Kentucky.
4. Ben is hitting himself on the shoulder with a hammer.
5. Everyone is asking me how my Thanksgiving was, and all I can say is "eh?!?"
6. I'm buying a house and it's making me so nervous that I can't even swallow. We close today.
7. The holidays are coming up and that's making me so edgy that my whole body is shaking.
8. It's been so busy at work that this is the best I can come up with as a post.
9. I have a yeast infection
10. I just told EVERYONE who might read my blog that I have a yeast infection.

Boss' favorite phrases

2005-11-18T10:24:00.000-07:00

Here are some of my boss' favorite phrases:

1. Shhhh! (used whenever a question is asked of him)
2. Shut up! (whenever you address him)
3. You're gay. (whenever Ben says ANYTHING)
4. I'm the king of Texas! (this is hard to explain)
5. Less talky more typy! (only to CJ and I)

My Style

2005-11-15T14:20:00.000-07:00

Your Seduction Style: Sweet Talker

Something's Up My Sleeve

2005-11-14T13:21:00.000-07:00

This girl's got something tricky up her sleeve for you. What could it be?

Good Karma To You!

2005-11-13T12:29:00.000-07:00

Oh, and so not to get too serious on you, check this out: http://moephone.ytmnd.com/

CJ is BACK!

2005-11-11T09:21:00.000-07:00

CJ is recovering from broken fingers and a jammed neck from a nasty spill she took on the stairs in her house. She's back, though, and making my job much easier. So, no more nasty posts from me for awhile. In honor of veterans day, I'd like each of my readers to say "thank you" for one vet-even if it's your dad or mom. Then, I'd like you to ask BOSS why we have to work today.

It's Official

2005-11-10T11:07:00.000-07:00

This is the third day. I guess he's taking it seriously. Alrighty, then.

Thanks To All My Fans

2005-11-10T07:54:00.000-07:00

Thanks to a shallow bathtub and an abundance of dull knives in the house, I didn't go home and do myself in. I did, however think of a new blogging subject: Movies everyone MUST watch. So, I am giving YOU a homework assignment. Get off your ass and move it to the local video store (i'm talking the independent one, put away your evil blockbuster card). Here are the list of movies, which aren't necessarily my favorites, and are put in no particular order:

1. Fight Club
2. Harold and Maude
3. Vanilla Sky
4. Big Fish
5. Donnie Darko
6. Spun
7. Welcome to the Dollhouse
8. I Heart Huckabees
9. Pi (I don't know how to make the symbol)
10. Bladerunner

And Boss' favorite: Vampire's Kiss
And Ben's favorite: Old School
And CJ's favorite might be: Pootietang

P.S.

2005-11-09T13:30:00.000-07:00

And blogging doesn't even help.

I think I could just die.

2005-11-09T13:22:00.000-07:00

Today, I have worked extremely hard to make zero dollars. I could either scream or cry. I do neither and fume and grind my teeth and hope that everyone else will leave me alone. What should I do in a situation like this? CJ and Ben are just goofing off and being noisy and Rich just talks so loud that I can't even concentrate. This is, by far, the worst of my working days. I am so depressed, the thought of death is actually appealing to me. Rich's constant singing is driving me crazy, my stomach is growling, and my customers are all being rude. My drivers are backing out of their deals, and I'm taking two steps back every time I take a half step forward. I am bad at my job and I want to do something else, but I'm stuck here until eternity ends and I just want to drown myself in my bathtub. Too bad it's too shallow. GRRRRR and Weep.

My Boss, The Jew

2005-11-08T11:06:00.000-07:00

Boss got religious on me. Now he's wearing a yarmulke. It's hilarious. He isn't really a jew, but looking at my paycheck, he's very close to one. He said that he might make it dress code for all of us. I'll get you a picture tomorrow.

Slow Day

2005-11-07T10:13:00.000-07:00

It's so slow today, I might just pee my pants so I can go home early. Any other suggestions?